Have you ever felt like there was something missing in your life? Sitting in front of my blank white paper.. this feeling of emptiness washed over me. Unable to prevent it, I completely surrendered to that feeling. It made me feel vulnerable and yet there was nothing to do to prevent it from completely taking over. The cause of this constant feeling of emptiness... still remains a mystery... and will probably always remain one.

Once again I am about to reach the end of another chapter of my life, about to turn the page to another chapter. I have no clue what is on the next page. Filled with anticipation, excitement, fear. Do I really want to turn that page? Part of me wants to remain in this stage of my life where I am comfortable. Yet another part of me is excited to see what the future holds. In 5 days I will be moving off campus and back at home. I will once again leave the friends and people who have helped me get through graduate school. I realize that I will still be in the same state as these people who I have come to call my friends and yet I still feel this sadness that I can't get rid of. I am going to miss everyone here. There were many moments where I wished that I would just get done with the program, but now that the completion of the master's program is drawing near I want time to stop. I don't want to leave Precious and Kylie. I want to be able to just knock on Precious' door and know that she is just right there. I want to know that I can just walk down the hallways of the Communcation Division Building and pop my head through the door and ask Kylie if she wants to go to Marmalade for dessert. I want to know that I can just go see my advisor Dr. Murrie and go talk to him. I want to know that I can still see Wade, who I one point I began seeing him as more than a friend (at least I know that he will never see this entry so I can say it without any worries) and harass him. But soon these opportunities will no longer be there for me. Why do people enter your life and then leave? Is there anything that one can do to prevent this? If you have the answers please share.

Its already October and I still haven't started editing my documentary yet. Hmm should I start panicking? Or should I just go out to eat with my roomies and relax? Hehe of course I chose the last option. I had this wonderful plan at the beginning of the year to have my project edited by the beginning of the October and write the paper by the second week of the October. Well I guess that option completely fell in the toilet. And you wanna know what I blame this all on... I blame it on the IRB for suspending my tooshie. If they didn't suspend me I would have finished all my interviewing by this weekend.

So we might go to Knotts Scary Farm this weekend.... Would anyone like to join? It should be buckets of fun.Come on it can't get any better than this. Can you imagine this with me.. going into a dark small confined space and having people jump out at you and scaring the crap out of you until you end up just squatting on the ground in one place and not moving at all, or just having a heart attack by the end of night. Come on doesn't that sound so appealing :) Hmm this entry is pretty random. Oh well that is what happens when you end up sitting in front of a computer and logging tapes all day. And might I add that I haven't even finished logging one tape.

Currently Playing The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement By Various Artists see related

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Guess where I went last night??? I finally went to the beach. I have been attending Pepperdine for approximately 1 year and not once have I ever stepped on to the beautiful beach. I see it EVERYDAY going from class, to my apartment. There is no escaping the beach when you are living here (sheesh you can even see it from class sometimes) but of course I never had the opporutunity to just sit and stare at the beach. So last night Alisa (my suitmate) suggested that we go eat on the beach (our wonderful dinner consisting of KFC) and I totally agreed.

So its 8:00 p.m. and we go purchase our healthy dinner (in my mind that is regarded as healthy because the sandwich actually had pieces of lettuce) and we head off to Zuma beach. Unable to even see where the beach is we went in search of our dinner spot. Let me just add that we almost killed ourselves many times because it was completely dark. I couldn't even see the ground and yet the whole time you could hear and smell the ocean. It was so calm and relaxing but in way very eerie. You could just continue walking, not knowing where you were, and actually end up in the water if you kept on walking far enough.  We finally found a perfect spot and just started eating. There were so many stars out last night. We were probably there for about 20 mins before we started to become ice popsicles and so we decided to head back.

Now the way  back wasn't that bad except for one minor detail. I was wearing a wrap around dress and it was kind of windy. So i basically ended up flashing all of Malibu and every car that passed us. Alisa and I couldn't stop laughing it was very funny.

But last night while we were out there I kept on thinking how wonderful it would be to sit with the one you truly love and just watch the stars all night. I know it sounds corny but it would just be perfect. Oh well that will never happen  We are going to drag my other suitmate next time and this time we will be prepared and bring sweatshirts and maybe this time i will wear jeans so I don't have to worry about the annoying sand.